I thought my husband was cheating so I had an affair with my personal trainer

Fiona Harper*, 54, is a full-time mum and lives in Warwickshire with her four children aged 10 to 17. She is separated from their father and, after suspecting him of having an affair, she ended up falling into the arms of her personal trainer.

Even now, I can still vividly remember the the guilt and shame that consumed me on the spring day six years ago when I first had sex with my personal trainer, Rick*. One minute we were doing squats and lunges and the next we were having sex on the floor of my home gym.

Of course, it wasn’t quite as simplistic as that and in truth, the sexual tension between us had been building up for several months. What began as a very professional relationship soon became so relaxed that I even began to confide in Rick that my marriage was in trouble.

My now estranged husband James had become increasingly distant over a period of about two years before that. He’d belittle me in front of our children, for example calling me ‘stupid’ and ‘incapable’ when I forgot to pack my youngest son’s trainers in his sports bag for school one day, and throwing the dinner I’d cooked for him in the bin one night because he said he’d wanted something else.

On the many occasions we’d have to dine out with his clients and their wives – he owns a hugely successful events business – he began to comment on the attractiveness of other women in restaurants, but in a snide way, as if to put me down even though I always made an effort with my appearance.

Growing suspicions

Our sex life dwindled too, from several times a week to once every few months and, if I’m honest, I would dread the rare times we did have sex because James had become so unemotional about it. He no longer held me or made me feel loved, it was clear it had become purely physical for him.

I also noticed he’d often mention a female business associate, Natalie*, and – call it women’s intuition – but I had a gut feeling that perhaps he was sleeping with her, or at the very least that he wanted to.

Rick came into my life when I was feeling very low about myself and deeply insecure in my marriage. I was already a devoted gym-goer but had decided to throw myself into exercise as a distraction and I hired him on the recommendation of a friend.

He was attractive with strong facial features, hazel eyes and sandy hair already flecked with grey and, of course, an athletic build. He was single, 12 years younger than me and twice a week he’d come to train me at the gym at my house.

Sexual chemistry

Rick was incredibly professional but he was also kind, friendly and easy to chat to, and I realised I began to look forward to seeing him. James was rarely at home by now, always working or out with business associates – or so he told me. He’d come home late at night stinking of expensive wine and I was convinced that several times I’d caught the scent of women’s perfume on his suit jackets.

So, I threw myself into my personal training sessions with Rick, and although I was under no illusions that it was his job to make his clients feel good about themselves, as the months went on, increasingly there was chemistry between us.

It started with the odd flirty comment. I remember him complimenting me on my figure and holding my legs and my gaze a little too long when stretching me out at the end of one particular workout.

I began to get a thrill when he touched my lower back or shoulders to correct my posture when I was lifting weights, and it soon simmered over into sexual tension. I don’t believe it would ever have been like that had my marriage to James not been at rock bottom.

That first time Rick and I had sex, he’d got me doing squats whilst holding a barbell and as he leaned in to lift it from my shoulders at the end of the set our faces were so close that he kissed me. For a few seconds I was startled, but then I kissed him back and before I knew it we were having incredible, intense sex on the floor of my gym.

Secret lives

Afterwards I felt awkward and although Rick was very caring, I said it would be best if he left. I was immediately swamped with guilt. It was entirely out of character for me to do anything like this and despite my husband’s recent coldness towards me and my deepening suspicions that he was having an affair, I felt utterly dreadful that I’d betrayed both him and our marriage vows – and in our own home too.

I cancelled my next few sessions with Rick and he sent several very thoughtful messages saying he was sorry that he’d crossed a line and hoped I was okay.

Then, a few weeks later, a friend who knew of my marriage woes called and said she had something incredibly difficult to tell me: she’d clocked my husband in a restaurant with Natalie and she’d witnessed them kiss over the dinner table.

I didn’t dare confront him straight away – don’t ask me why, I suppose I wasn’t ready to blow up our family life as I knew how shattered our children would be. I also knew how cruel he could be in an argument, a true alpha male who would rather shout me down than ever accept his own wrongdoings.

Full-blown affair

But what this bombshell did was go some way to relieving my guilt over what had happened with Rick and six weeks after our encounter, I messaged him to ask if he’d be happy to resume my training sessions. When he returned to my home that week, we ended up having sex again, at my instigation.

For the next three months or so we’d have sex every time he came to my house, and it was wonderful. While my husband was off doing God’s know what with Natalie, Rick made me feel important and desired. He’d tell me how beautiful I looked, how he loved to feel my skin against his, and what a strong and wonderful woman he thought I was – things James had never said to me in our 20 years together.

But I knew my fling with Rick would never go anywhere as our lives were worlds apart – he knew it too – and eventually I reasoned I must summon the courage to confront my husband and move on with my life for the sake of my children.

Sure enough, when I asked James outright one night in our bedroom if he was having an affair, he admitted he’d been sleeping with Natalie, the woman my friend had seen him with, for almost a year. Then he laughed in my face and boasted that there had been other women too.

The big split

I didn’t tell him about Rick, there would have been no point and I wasn’t interested in trading insults. In a strange way, those few months of sleeping with my personal trainer had boosted my self-esteem and had given me the self-belief I needed to walk away from my marriage. Rick had made me believe that I was strong enough to cope with that – and he was right.

James left the marital home within weeks of me confronting him and bought a house half an hour away so that he can still see the children. As for Rick, our relationship fizzled out at around the same time as I was so immersed in supporting my kids after their father had left that I didn’t have the desire or inclination for anything else, including personal training.

Ever the gentleman, Rick also recognised that it was the right thing for us to part company – in the friendliest terms possible – and I understand he has since settled down and moved in with someone very special to him, which is lovely.

I’m still single although I've been on a few dates here and there. I now look back fondly on my time with Rick and no longer feel the intensity of guilt that I used to about it. I’m thankful that he came into my life when he did and helped me to believe in myself.

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

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