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Never listen to your children, and other key tricks to nailing beach style as a Great British Male

Beach style - Getty Images
Beach style - Getty Images

Lockdown, let’s be fair, has not been good for the sartorial elegance of the Great British Male. As most of us have been sequestered in places where our appearance has not been of paramount importance, so some men have been found to be walking around in the very worst kind of what used to be called mufti (but probably now isn’t).

British men have let themselves go, and for the last 15 months have been working from home (or the garden) with the same gruesome enthusiasm they displayed when adapting to Dress Down Friday at the start of the Noughties, where men who had spent most of their adult life wearing an office uniform (blue suit, white shirt and black Oxfords) suddenly started wearing yellow cords and Wellington boots to work.

Many men I know have been wearing a formal shirt for Zoom calls, and then spending the rest of the day in shorts, jeans and plimsoles, many without bothering to shave (this last manifestation I don’t understand at all, as it’s not like there has been a shortage of razors).

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Men, it seems, have gone feral. Which doesn’t bode well for the way they’ll look on holiday this year. If we are mainly going to be vacationing in the UK, then we can all look forward to seeing an army of badly-dressed men with white pebbledash legs and T-shirt tans invading the beaches from Cromer to Hastings.

However while British men rarely excel themselves on the sand, there are a few rules which can help them during their weeks if need, rules which, if adhered to, could almost make them look like their continental cousins. Sure, no British man is ever going to look as sophisticated as a Frenchman or an Italian when he’s laying on his beach towel sipping entry-level supermarket rose, but he can at least try.

Dylan Jones
Dylan Jones

The most important thing for any man to do in the summer is act his age, and not start rushing around in skintight disco shorts and fluorescent tops. You shouldn’t invest in ridiculously expensive trainers, nor the kind of sunglasses worn by anyone you’ve seen on Tik Tok. If anything, you should probably try and look a little older than you are, and give yourself a little bit of dignity. The trick is always to look as though you just don’t care, and that spending time in a rented cottage in Holkham or Lyme Regis rather than Tuscany or Formentera is your idea of heaven; and the way you look needs to reflect this too.

My advice is to invest in signature items that will make you feel comfortable and status-contented while letting everyone else know that you’re still a master of the universe even though if you haven’t been into your office for 18 months. These signature items could be a pair of traditional Ray-Ban Navigator sunglasses, a stainless steel Rolex Explorer, a pair of white Birkenstock’s, a pair of white, navy or khaki cargo shorts (so you can stuff your phone, car keys, house keys and bottle opener in the pockets) and half a dozen nice shirts.

Sean Connery James Bond - Getty Images
Sean Connery James Bond - Getty Images

And what constitutes nice? Well, preferably something bought specifically for this holiday, rather than the ones stuffed in the cupboard that your bought for your last weekend in Ibiza seven years ago, and preferably something that shouts “confident” rather than “fun”. Nobody likes a man in “fun” shirt in the same way that nobody likes a man sporting a revolving bow-tie.

And these shirts don’t have to cost the earth. You should buy a couple from high street stores, and maybe a couple from designer stores. There are no hard and fast rules about which labels to buy: everybody wants to sell shirts in the summer, and most brands do a pretty good job. You should never get het-up about labels - just by the ones you like.

Frescobol Carioca
Frescobol Carioca

Antonio linen shirt, £160, Frescobol Carioca

I tend to wear things that will see me through from a walk before breakfast to a cocktail party in the evening. I might change my shirt after dark, and I mightn’t change from shorts to long trousers (probably narrow chinos), but basically I tend to wear the same thing everyday. That way I don’t stress about what I’m going to be wearing tomorrow. Ever.

Oh, and finally, never listen to what your children say about the way you look. They are programmed to think you look ridiculous, so you should take their insults in your stride. You only need to worry if they start to say they genuinely like what you’re wearing, as if they start to do this, then there’s probably nothing anyone can do to help you.

Dylan Jones is the author of Shiny & New (White Rabbit)

Five failsafe items for a stylish British summer

There are myriad examples of what not to do as a middle-aged man on the beach, as our PM demonstrated in his own blustering way during the G7 summit in Cornwall - garish swim shorts and a Cornish pasty complexion are a curiously British approach. So keep things clean and simple; a pair of swim shorts with a discreet print or classic stripes will streamline things a touch. Likewise, trunks designed to look neat and tailored, will look better than slouchy and baggy.

And as we’re still likely to be confined to Padstow rather than Portofino, a cardigan to shrug on for bracing chips by the sea is worth considering, as is a well-made panama hat - much more grown up than a baseball cap. Leave such sporty variants to the Gen Z amongst your brood. Keep shirts at the informal end of the spectrum - go for light linens and soft collars - to draw a line in the sand between your office and off-duty attire. Stephen Doig

Beach style
Beach style

Apnee printed swim shorts, £104, luisaviaroma.com
Aviator sunglasses, £131, Ray Ban
36mm Explorer in Oystersteel, £5,150, Rolex

Mr Porter
Mr Porter

Polo Ralph Lauren cardigan, £220, Mr Porter

Lock Co
Lock Co

Savannah panama hat, £295, Lock & Co. Hatters

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